I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
