you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
