fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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