I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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