Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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