If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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