cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
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