That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
