i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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