seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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