very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
then he tried to convert me to islam
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
