Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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