mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
