Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My balls are so social today.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
