Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
