He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
