Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
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I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
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Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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