Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
