I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
