Tell her she can't have a vagina
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
