good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He kissed a someone with a penis
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
