So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
