I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
