I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
