you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
