I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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