i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
