Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
