i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He has the fingertips of a God
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