I heard we made out
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
