My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
