I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
