At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
