I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
