have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize