$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
