i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...