I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
