Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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