And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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