Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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