It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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