man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
