Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
