i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
