Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize