It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
