In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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