At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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