Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
