She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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