It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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