at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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