I have demons in me.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
