i think i have two assholes
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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