So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
