So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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