Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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