Can i not drive my cunt home
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
