He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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