tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
