i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
