you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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