took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i was born a porn star she said
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
