I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
