I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
