I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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