Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
