Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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