i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
