My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
