I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
