You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
