Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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