i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize