are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
