They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
