i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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